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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23343835">ABIENCE</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ti_bae_rius/pseuds/ti_bae_rius'>ti_bae_rius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cassandra Clare - Freeform, Chain of Gold, Cog2, F/M, Matthew Fairchild - Freeform, Shadowhunters - Freeform, lucie herondale - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:41:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23343835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ti_bae_rius/pseuds/ti_bae_rius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two friends. Two secrets.<br/>Lucie wants to know what Matthew secret is but, at the end, they will seal a deal guided by love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matthew Fairchild/Lucie Herondale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ABIENCE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm just an ordinary, Italian girl who wants to improve her English writing stuff about what she loves. Don't be rude about any mistake (pls), thank you! If you have any advice, let me know!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthew was laying on the grass, his nose was turned towards the sky; the wind was caressing slowly his golden hair, while the clouds were growing darker over London.<br/>
The rain was inevitable coming but Matthew didn’t care at all: a little rain wouldn’t hurt to clear his head.<br/>
It had been a very rough night. The engagement party for his parabatai and his future wife, James and Cordelia, had been beautiful, he couldn’t disagree. Tessa, Jamie’s mother, had done a very good job with the decoration of the ballroom, with all those gilt ribbons, lace, bonbons and arrangements of flowers. People had seemed happy, not just because the quarantine was over but also for the new couple in town. They had seemed happy too, at Matthew’s eyes. So why hadn’t he been happy like them?<br/>
Matthew sighed, taking a deep breath. The smell of rain in the air tickled his nostrils, making him sneeze.<br/>
“You’ll catch a cold if you’ll remain here. In addition, what are you doing here all alone in the middle of the day?”<br/>
Matthew couldn’t help but giggle. Even if he had his eyes closed, he would have recognize the voice among a thousand other voices.<br/>
He opened just one eye, casting a sidelong glance at Lucie. The girl was standing right at his side, her arms crossed and a book under her armpit.<br/>
“I didn’t hear you coming” he said.<br/>
“Of course you didn’t. I’m like a ninja.”<br/>
He closed his eyes again but he heard Lucie sit on the grass next to him.<br/>
Lucie spoke again: “James is looking for you.”<br/>
“And I’m looking for peace — which you don’t care about, apparently.”<br/>
“You’re right. I’m here to bother you, as always”<br/>
Matthew and Lucie had been friends for so many years. He couldn’t remember a day without her constant presence in his life. Lucie had always been different from other girls, even from his cousins — well not Anna, Anna was even more different — and he always liked her company. She didn’t care about frivolous things like boys, dresses and marriages. She did love the idea of a wedding or an eternal love, of course, but she preferred to write all of those things in her books and Matthew had always envied and admired the passion she used into her stories. She was also clever, a good friend, always looking for an adventure or something strange to do (she used to carry a mouse on her shoulder!) and she was afraid of nothing. Despite Matthew had had feelings for her, she would have always been the little, crazy, sister of the Merry Thieves.<br/>
“Why are you here?” he asked, after a moment of silence. Judging by the noise of the pages, Lucie was flipping through her book.<br/>
“I was looking for inspiration for my story.”<br/>
“And you saw me, I’m the perfect inspiration.”<br/>
“Yes, you are. Now I can correctly describe a clown, in fact.”<br/>
Matthew stifled a laugh, now looking at her. The wind had picked up just enough to mess her hair, gathered in a bun. Her sea-eyes were steady on the pages and Matthew realized just in that moment it wasn’t a book, it was a notebook.<br/>
He smiled. “What are you writing?”<br/>
“Do you really care?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.<br/>
“I always care.”<br/>
“No you don’t. You always care about your flask.” she pointed a finger at him, smiling, but Matthew knew she meant it. “<em>I am worried that you will get my brother killed</em>”. The sound of her voice echoed in his head. Matthew was aware of Lucy’s thoughts about him drinking. She had been very clear in her room, after what had happened in Emmanuel Gast’s flat, days before. She thought that if he would had kept drinking, he would have put James in dangerous and Matthew couldn’t help but agree. <em>If she only knew</em>.<br/>
That had been, in fact, the moment he had understood what Lucie really felt for him: nothing. He didn’t care; in his heart, he already knew it.<br/>
“I didn’t mean to offend you.” she murmured. Matthew raised his gaze, realizing he didn’t reply to her, lost as usual in his tormented head. Lucie was waiting for his reaction, with a worried expression in her face.<br/>
“You cannot offend me, Luce. You’re one of the kindest person I’ve ever known” and he meant it.<br/>
“So why do you seem so unhappy? I know you Math, you’re hiding something.”<br/>
“That’s unfair,” he said, raising on his elbows to be at her height. Their eyes met each other; a spark illuminated hers for a second. “I already asked a question to you.”<br/>
She rolled her eyes with a snort. “If I told you what I’m writing, will you tell me your secrets?”<br/>
“That’s an important request. Are you sure you’re strong enough to know my deepest secrets?” he said, bringing his face closer to her. The girl held her gaze.<br/>
“You don’t scare me, Math.” She handed him her notebook, pointing with the finger the thousand scribbles on the sheet. Even in a draft, the curly letters of the words seemed to dance between the lines of the page. “I was writing something for <em>The Beautiful Cordelia</em> but it seems like my fantasy doesn't want to collaborate today”<br/>
“Maybe you need a pause,” he said. “You can write tomorrow, or tonight. I know you don’t sleep, I can hear your pen scratching on the table at midnight.”<br/>
“Do you?” she asked, casting him a strange look.<br/>
“No, of course. I sleep at night.”<br/>
She tore off some blade of grass and threw them at him, grinning. A fighting game followed between them, which ended when Matthew started tickling Lucie; she couldn’t stand it. They let catch their breath and Lucie tried to fix her hair, now so messed up that it looked like an aureole.<br/>
“You have always found the right words,” said Matthew after a while. “You just need to use your imagination.”<br/>
“It’s not that simple,” she replied. “I usually write what happens around me, trying to be faithful to reality. Every detail is precious and I can’t forget what I see, what I think, what I feel…”<br/>
He ran a hand through his hair, tilting his head. “And what do you see, think or feel now?”<br/>
Lucie shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know Math, many things have happened in such a short time. It’s like my head is full of thoughts that I can’t think clearly. And all this story of the wedding…”“Aren’t you happy for them?” he asked with a faint smile.<br/>
Lucie blinked, as if she had woken up from a dream. “Oh, no!” she exclaimed. Her cheeks began to turn red and Matthew felt the urge to stroke them. “I didn’t mean it. I am happy, I really am but — oh, you know better than me. It’s all fake. It’s all a lie. And I don’t want my friend to be unhappy for this.”<br/>
Matthew nodded. He understood what she was saying. It <em>was</em> a lie, James didn’t love Cordelia. He cared of her — of course he did — but that wasn’t love.<br/>
He looked away, where the trees of the Institute's garden were thick, so much that they created a dark voracious in the distance, ready to suck him.<br/>
“I saw you drinking yesterday, at the ball” said suddenly Lucie but this time there wasn’t anger in her tone. It was gentle, like a caress. “You can think I don’t notice what you do during the day — and in my defense I can say you and the others are always hiding at the Tavern — but I see you, because I do care of you. And I’m worried.”<br/>
A bitter laugh came from Matthew's throat. “You’re not worried about me. You—”<br/>
“I spoke without thinking, that day” she interrupted him. “I’m constantly worried for my brother; he didn’t have an easy childhood because of his… his <em>gift</em>. Everything that happens to him, that makes him upset, it’s like a knife in my chest for me, so obviously I’m super protective.  James loves you and he would do anything to protect you, even from yourself.”<br/>
He frowned. “What you mean?”<br/>
“You know what I mean, Math. You don’t care about your health or your appearance. You’re a seventeen-year-old boy who acts like an alcoholic in his forties. It seems like you adore the fact people think you’re arrogant or that you have a bad reputation. I'm sick of hearing people whispering at your path and I'm tired of seeing that you don't care!”<br/>
“Why should i care about the thought of people who can't even match colors in their clothes?” he laughed.<br/>
“Can you be serious for once?”<br/>
“<cite>Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about</cite>. Oscar Wilde docet.”<br/>
She shook her head and turned away, avoiding his gaze. Matthew sighed. He didn’t know what to say. He could say a lot of things, actually, but every word that came to his mind seemed dumb or useless. How could he explain why he lived like <em>that</em>? How could he bear her judgment?<br/>
Something moved into his stomach and the agitation took over. He needed to breath; he needed to clear his mind; he needed to stop thinking. He needed to drink.<br/>
“Luce…” he began to say, feeling his hands shaking. Over their heads the clouds became more threatening. “Despite what they say about Shadowhunters, we’re human beings. And human beings aren’t perfect, they sin sometimes.” Lucie remained silent, so he kept talking, trying not to think about her gaze fixed on him: “I’m just like them. I hear whispers, I know what everyone think about me but I do not care, because I have you and the others, who know me well.” <em>Could he say such a thing</em>? “I have been looking for perfection for years but now I’m tired. If I can't be the best part of me, I'll be the worst and I’ll leave the best only for those who love me.”<br/>
“But why?” she asked in a cracked voice. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”<br/>
This time, he let his hand reaching her cheek. The air was freezing as her face. She didn’t move, letting his hand warm her, kindly.<br/>
“You asked for my deepest secrets” he said and Lucie nodded. “I am afraid to remember. That’s my secret.”<br/>
“Remember what?” she reached his hand and held it tight. He could see her eyes analyzing his face: every movement, every reaction, every detail, like she always did. “What do you want to forget?”<br/>
He smiled at her. “Have you ever had a secret? Something you can’t talk about?”<br/>
Matthew felt Lucie holding her breath. “I don’t know” she murmured but he knew it wasn’t the truth. Lucie wasn’t a good liar. However, he decided not to investigate.<br/>
Suddenly, chills appeared on her arms. Matthew realized she was wearing no coat over her blue dress. He took off his jacket and put it on her shoulders. Lucie began to protest but he didn’t care. “Shut up” he ordered jokingly. “If you’ll catch a fever because of me, your father will hunt me to death and then there will be three people with a secret.”<br/>
Lucie giggled. “And I guess you’re too beautiful to be dead.”<br/>
“Of course,” he chuckled. “At least, you and your brother could keep seeing me.”<br/>
“You forget my father could too.”<br/>
“Damn, that could be a problem.”<br/>
The wind rose, making them both shivering. Over their head, the sun was completely covered by the clouds and in the distance Matthew saw a flash in the sky, dark as a stormy sea.<br/>
“We should go inside” he said, rosing on his feet. Lucie did the same.<br/>
She stopped him, grabbing his arm. “Before we go, I need you to know I’ll never judge you for your actions.”<br/>
Matthew's lips widened into a faint smile. He raised his right little finger. “Pinky promise?” he asked.<br/>
She looked at him, puzzled. “What?”<br/>
“C’mon. It’s when you make a promise and you use your pinky to seal it.”<br/>
“I know what a pinky promise is, my silly friend. It’s just very odd you use it.” She stuck her little finger with his, smiling. “What are we promising?”<br/>
“To always love each other.” he said.<br/>
Lucie raised her eyebrows. “This is what we do since I have memories — well, most of the time, at least.”<br/>
“But now we promise to always love each other despite our secrets” he said, winking at her.<br/>
“So you’re not gonna tell me what you want to forget?”<br/>
He shrugged. “This isn't what love is? To care about someone even if you don’t know everything about him? Or her?”<br/>
“Well,” she sighed. “I believe that’s what my father and Uncle Jem did when they were our age.”<br/>
Their fingers tightened, sealing a silent promise between them, just in time before the rain began to pour down. They ran towards the Institute, laughing under the storm, starting a running race. Matthew’s heart lightened and every bad thought faded away for a moment. He would have still struggled with his problems but now he knew something new: when the time would have come, he wouldn’t have been alone.</p>
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